I'm about to start sending query letters to literary agents for The Second Shadow. Below is the main body of the letter I have so far. Any thoughts you have would be great, such as "wow, that doesn't make me want to read it at all!"
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Sargoff has long been blanketed by a fear of the
unknown powers that once brought it to crumble. Dark forces are once more at
work, renewing these fears and threatening the country as it rebuilds. The orb
of a forgotten lord is found, and the hands of evil once more glow with the
powers of dark magic.
Jothan has devoted his life to the pursuit of the orb of Lord Hamrin, for he
knows all too well the powers it holds.
He meets Cymor, a strange magical creature made of light who retrieves
the orb, and the pair then fights and flees to ensure that dark wizards do not
recover the orb and reclaim their lost authority. On their fast-paced adventure, they encounter
kings and queens, creatures of water and sand, a great two-headed dragon, and
other powers not documented by the library of Sargoff. In the end, they discover terrible truths
that are difficult to accept.
THE SECOND SHADOW is an 81,000 word fantasy novel that explores the effects of
fear on a society, and questions whether the agents of evil themselves present
more dangers than the very fear they create.
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2 comments:
The first part of your first sentence sounds good but I don't like "once brought it to crumble". Also you reuse "once" right away so it doesn't quite flow.
Maybe instead of "once brought it to crumble" you could use "nearly destroyed it" or "once brought ruin to its great cities" or something like that. I really like the first part but your first sentence really really really really needs to grab the reader
Good call G! What about this:
Sargoff has long been blanketed by a fear of the unknown powers that cast ruin upon its cities. Dark forces are once more at work, renewing these fears and threatening the country as it rebuilds. The orb of a forgotten lord is found, and the hands of evil once more glow with the powers of dark magic.
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