I just got home from the first full-team meeting for TEC 71, and it went just fine. I am rather looking forward to the next meeting and the weekend itself, but today's meeting reminded me of one of my major weaknesses that I deal with on almost a daily basis.
I am incredibly bad at talking. It's amazing that I can still get rather nervous over simple conversation. While meeting as a Wheat team, the youth leadership would ask questions, and despite the fact that I usually think of perfectly good and interesting things to say, my shyness and nervousness kicks in, and I have a hard time transferring that from my brain to my mouth. I often end up dismissing my thoughts and instead saying something stupidly sarcastic (see my old blog entry - written two years ago today, oddly enough - The Shell, for more insight on that).
It's really rather obnoxious. I'm actually pretty good with words. I rather enjoy them. I am writing a novel that currently has nearly 50,000 words. I've been writing stories and poetry for nearly 15 years. And yet, a simple verbal sentence is often difficult, depending on the situation. If I'm with people I don't know very well, or in a situation I am otherwise uncomfortable with, I clam up and can barely spout anything meaningful. It's silly, but most of my deeper and more serious conversations have occurred online over email or chat. On a similar note, in high school and college, I would always rather write a five page paper than give a very short speech. Goofy.
The thing that bothers me the most is that I know this little issue of mine keeps me from getting as close to people as I'd like to, since it's hard for me to have real discussions with people. I know my mind is full of good things to share, but getting them from point A to point B in a verbal form is the trick. That being said, I am better at it than I used to be (sounds crazy), and this is one of the (many) reasons I'm looking forward to the rest of the TEC 71 experience. I think it will be good for me as I continue to grow as a person, into the man that God made me to be.
I may have another semi-serious entry in another few days, about that whole losing-my-job thing.
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4 comments:
Joel, you have truly grown over the years, and will continue to grow. Dad and I pray for that, and will especially pray that you will be able to express yourself verbally during these TEC meetings. We love you dearly, and are proud of you, how God is using you, and how He will continue to do that in the future.
love, Mom
Losing your job thing? Recent? Or are you talking about before you got back to FLS? Am I completely out of the loop?
Most definitely not recent :) I seemed to have confused quite a few people here, hehe. I am still at FLS, and was referring to losing the job at Priority. :)
Okay, good. Had me worried there. Having a job is good. Speaking of which, I need to get going and get to mine...
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