A Look Back

December 26, 2007, was one of the hardest days I've ever had. The day before had been a wonderful Christmas day at home with my wife. I got up in the morning and went to work at Priority Publications, where I had been employed as a Web Programmer since September, after leaving my 2 1/2 year job at FLS Connect as a Database Analyst.

After arriving to my desk, my boss asked me to follow him into the office of the company's HR person. As soon as she said "These types of meetings are never easy," I knew what was coming. They had decided to terminate employment with me, effective immediately.

I sat there and listened while my boss listed the reasons why I was let go. I wasn't the right fit. Perhaps there were some things that I wasn't doing properly. I wasn't proactive enough. I then went back to my desk, put my belongings in a box, and left.

From the moment I knew I was getting let go, I felt my emotions rising up inside of me. I held them in until I got in my car, then proceeded to sit there and cry for several minutes. I even cried a bit of the drive home. Which is rather odd for me, as those people who know me well know that I don't cry often or easily. But this hit me hard - not because I would not be making money. It wasn't merely the fact that I would no longer have a job, but it was how I lost it.

I felt like I had failed. I was in a position that I felt comfortable in, right where I thought God wanted me to be at this point in my career, and I failed. And yet, at the same time, I know that none of those things that my boss had brought up as reasons for my termination had been previously brought to my attention. I didn't see the point in God bringing me to this company, only to have me let go after 3 1/2 months, before I was really able to further develop my skills.

Priority had just bought a new company that included four web developers - each of which had much more experience than I did. It seems to me that they simply decided that they didn't need me anymore. They had a lot more experience now. Which brings me quickly to the concept of company loyalty. I am a loyal employee, even after being at a place a relatively short time. After about 2 or 2 1/2 months at Priority, a former FLS coworker of mine told me about a job at his company. I went to the interview, but was very hesitant about it - because I had only been at Priority a couple months and didn't feel right leaving so soon, and this came across in the interview. I was merely there to see the opportunity, but I didn't really feel right about it, because I had a good job at a company. A company that I felt a part of and felt at home with. I was not offered the job - one of the main reasons being, basically, that they didn't think my heart was in it, which it wasn't.

So within a few days of losing my job at Priority, I started my job search, which mostly returned no results from potential employers. The job at my former coworker's new company had already been filled. After about a month, I started a temporary stint back at FLS Connect, doing the same type of Database Analyst thing I was doing before, but it was only for a week, as it was a busier time and they needed the help. On my last day, I was brought into my boss' office and he asked if I was interested in coming back to FLS full time, but in a different position, which brings me to my current state of employment. I am a Junior .NET Programmer - I do programming for their web site and web applications. Which is rather similar to the job I had at Priority Publications.

Maybe it's just something about this company. FLS was my first job right out of college, and the way that all game together was right from God. Within the last few months before graduating from college, I had my resume online and had had practically no bites on it. Then, about two weeks before, I got a call from FLS, and we set up an interview. I graduated from DeVry (in Columbus, Ohio) on a Sunday, drove up to Minnesota on a Monday, had the interview on Tuesday, and was called and offered the job on Wednesday. It was perfect.

But I had to leave the company, get let go, and be unemployed for a month in order to get the job I really wanted at my original company. It's weird how things work out sometimes. I am so thankful that I left FLS on excellent terms. I had even come back one other time for about 2 weeks in October/November to help them out prior to election time. If I didn't have that great relationship with this company, I may still be out of a job.

That being said, I still don't like to think about Priority. If I let myself think about it too much, it brings back those same feelings of failure. I know everything always works out the way it should through the will of God, but this hurt. It made me question my quality as an employee, as well as my choice of a career path.

Oddly enough, not having a job for a month did give me a significant amount of time to work on writing my novel, which is what I'd rather be doing anyway. I don't know exactly what God's ultimate plan is in all of this, but I know that He has one, and I'm trusting Him in every step.